she/her, bi/ace, probs a at least a decade older than you, happy multishipper

saintjosie:

cipheramnesia:

thetursithan:

What a great thing automation is ….

Sloppy style robot hand job but it keeps fumbling the weiner

i’ve watched this like 5 times now and it’s funnier every time for some reason

(via characterlimit)

cobbbvanth:

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Vampires must always be prepared to skip out of town at a moment’s notice. I have been chased out of five, maybe six villages over the course of my vampiric life.

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS

5.05 Local News

(via itsactuallycorrine)

tonyalmeida:

(via avocadomooon)

akaanonymouth:

What is it about fics then, where characters always, ALWAYS, have a spare toothbrush conveniently just hanging about in bathroom cupboards for that time someone is, usually unexpectedly, staying the night?

I have lived a few decades now, and I have never known anyone who keeps spare toothbrushes. Is it really common??

(via feyarcher)

snarling-through-our-smiles:

dhaaruni:

nacseo-scrawl:

triviallytrue:

triviallytrue:

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by far the funniest thing you can say immediately after winning the NBA finals

for those of you who don’t follow basketball, this guy is the best player in the world right now

#you don’t understand how completely devoted jokic is to racing horses#he’s tried to quit basketball several times to commit full time to his horses#he doesn’t even like playing basketball i don’t think, he’s just stupid good at it#he’s counting down the days until he can retire to move back to serbia and work with his horses#his post retirement plans are becoming a ‘trotting coach’ his words @sayheykid​

#HOW TO DODGE NBA DRAFT

#basketball#I LEARNED THIS LORE I LEARNED THIS LORE#DUE TO OUR STAR WARS CHAT MELTING DOWN INTO ESPN SPORTZONE#so jokic has been giving these vibes for his team’s ENTIRE championship run up to and INCLUDING after the win#at the press conference afterwards (bear in mind he has just won the most PRESTIGIOUS PRIZE in all basketball)#he said to the reporter 'the job is done now we can go home 😐’#and then in the morning presser after someone asked if jokic was excited for the parade#he was like 'parade? when is parade? no no - i need to go home’ and put his head in his hands#AND THEN THE PARADE HAPPENED AND THE TEAM WAS PLIED WITH COPIOUS CHAMPAGNE AND ADORATION OF DENVER POPULACE#jokic got on the mike after several Champagne ™ applications#and said 'HELLO DENVER I KNOW I TOLD I DIDN’T WANT TO STAY ON PARADE BUT I FUCKING WANT TO STAY ON PARADE THIS IS THE BEST’#(yes that is a verbatim quote you can CHECK me on it)#that night the entire team went to a club and jokic got a round of this special plum vodka for the table#it apparently DESTROYED them all bc the next morning one of his teammates did an IG live from his hotel bed#it was super dark and you could see like half the poor dude’s face smushed against the pillow#and he said in the most Sickly and Hungover Voice Imaginable#'i want you all to know…this is nikola’s fault…he did this to me…#i’m never drinking again…it was that serbian shit…nikola did this to me…’ (via @takiki16)

this narrative needs to be exposed to the world and not hidden in the tags. long live star wars espn sportzone chat.

(via nateslehky)

dangerousoperatoroperadonkey:

spacelazarwolf:

spacelazarwolf:

arcaneaggressor:

spacelazarwolf:

book abt a twink and a lesbian who are roommates and just went through bad breakups and swear off sex until they realize they’re both incredibly horny so instead of going out to get their hearts broken again they just fuck each other since there’s zero chance of falling in love.

book ends with them both finding good partners and coparenting kids together. no IVF necessary bc that shits expensive.

“lesbian”

fucking twink? male?

?

me when i am too square to understand the nuances of queer identity and existence and prioritize twitter definitions over ppl’s actual lived experiences.

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AND SHE PEGS HIM!!!!!!

I’ve absolutely met a queer cis couple in apparently heterosexual pairing. Like, they didn’t even strongly identify as bi.

They had a shared experience of being queer and Buddhist in a predominantly straight Christian society. They formed a bond, and built a life together. And that’s ok. They didn’t hand in their queer cards. They weren’t bowing to societal pressure. They were just living their lives.

This is one reason why queer is an important word in our community. Because it can reflect the shared identity that all the letters have in addition to the very real differences. It can unify without creating uniformity. It can allow for continued exploration of self without having to constantly redefine terms of identity: (am I a man? Am I non-binary? Both feel true and false, everyday is different. Fuck it, I’m genderqueer and getting on with my life tyvm) It can describe the spaces in between the labels, because even though we keep adding new vocabulary to try and recognize and honor all the marvelous ways people can identify with themselves, their sexuality, and their relationship preferences, there will always be people who find themselves outside one of those boxes, quite often in more than one way.

And that’s good. That’s beautiful. That’s to be celebrated. That’s queer.

(via feyarcher)

welpnotagain:

catwaifuwu:

transarsonist:

radiofreederry:

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The “car community” claim that the sexual component is small. A Google search for “car porn” suggests otherwise. Of course adults can do

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You claim Rule 34 in our employee handbook is “Don’t steal office supplies”. A google search for “rule 34 the office” suggests otherwise. Of course adults can do

(via ponyregrets)

Anonymous asked: Robert de Niro in heat and I’m not apologising

beholdingslut:

i forgot heat was the name of a movie and i had my finger on the block button

hauntedppgpaints:

Whenever I see a hockey player getting his skate worked on I always think of a horse getting their hooves trimmed by a farrier

(via blankvcrs)

smileaway1971:

smileaway1971:

how often do you smoke weed (or hit a cart or take an edible etc)?

never

less than once a month

maybe 1-4 times per year

a couple times a month

1-2 times a week

3-4 times a week

5-6 times a week

7+ times a week

based on the alcohol poll i just saw

FIFTY PERCENT NEVER IS CRAZYYYY

(via avocadomooon)

mylittlehony:

The foal-shaped void had Feelings about the wind and the rain.

(via feyarcher)

amoonshapedpool:

i’m a

bitch

lover

child

mother

sinner

saint

i want to see what the tumblr populace most identifies with.

(via itsactuallycorrine)

humaneflies:

i-am-married:

instagram

what the hell man

(via cacchieressa)

pocketss:
“distressing things to say to your friends
”

pocketss:

distressing things to say to your friends

(via gohandinhand)

hard4softthings:

bringingthebiscuit:

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EDM vs. LAK | 05.08.22

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(via toothlessdudebros)